Tag: selfhelp

photo of blue and orange abstract painting

Uplifting Words for the People Who Make Things +/ Make Things Better

Recently I did an interview with Authority Magazine on optimising mental, physical, emotional and spiritual wellness. Although it was not really about motivation for creativity, as part of it I mentioned one of my favourite quotes:

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”

– Thoreau

I went on to say: “I have found that following a whole project or idea through to completion helps me to develop my muscles of endurance and resilience. This has enabled me to cope with the difficult feelings that often arise when working on a project, such as hating what I’m working on at times or feeling unmotivated“. 

I think this is something that is important for people to understand because I meet a lot of people who have difficulty finishing projects, or in some cases even starting them in the first place. And I understand – it can be scary. I am an author but I grew up reading Austen, Dickens, Frank Herbert, Nabokov. I am not comparing myself to mediocre authors! And I already know I am not in the same league as them, but I am kind of OK with that because I know I have some information that can help people. I don’t have to be the best writer in order to write.

We all have unique gifts and talents which may go unexpressed for years or even forever if we do not commit to both finishing them and to bringing them out in the world in the right way. Finishing a project might mean taking enough time, asking for help, backtracking to fix an error and generally slogging through the murky middle to get to the end. Bringing them into the world in the right way for us might include collaborating with the people and companies that both resonate with us and have similar goals (not just people or companies that look good on paper or which have worked well for other people), setting it in front of the right audience, identifying and overcoming our self-sabotage habits or marketing that fits with our values, for example.

In some instances people can create something beautiful, useful or important and then fail to market it well so it does not take off, and in some instances this can be a form of self-defence against criticism or even the discomfort of success. We get to think “I tried my best, but people did not want it/ appreciate it” and go back to our normal lives.

I just want to say that all of these feelings are normal. Creating something, putting it out into the world, inevitably ruffling some feathers (bearing in mind some feathers are bored or lonely and are just hoping to be ruffled!), being criticised, being admired – a lot of it can be hard! But if you know you have something to offer the world, something that could make the world a better place – surely that is worth it?

So, I recommend that if you find yourself feeling unmotivated or like you’ll never get to the end, just focus on what you can do today. Something achievable, small perhaps, but useful. And with every forward step take the time to feel good about that small win. It may also help you to regularly connect with your vision and the “why” of it. 

For example, I need motivation for creativity right now because I’m currently working on an inclusive self-help picture book for kids. I want lots of different children from different walks of life to be able to use it to feel better about themselves and hopefully to see a child who looks like them also. While it only took me about 3 hours to write the text, it has taken me about 8 months of working on the illustrations and they’re not finished yet! On top of that I have no idea if it will help a hundred children, thousands or five! But when it gets a bit hard I remember that I’m doing it because I love kids, I want them to feel happy in their own bodies and selves, and I want to teach them some basic skills for self-love and self-acceptance. The feeling of solidity and warmth I have when I contemplate my goal lets me know how I want the reader to feel and it connects me to a natural source of motivation that makes effort easier.

It also reminds me that books and other projects are more than just things, they are an expression of someone’s love, intellect or unique gifts and when I think about that I realise how many people in the world genuinely want to make it a better place. And that’s good to remember because the people behind those things are often not the ones shouting the loudest on social media. I think it is can be healing to turn down the volume on that and focus instead on all the goodness we are already surrounded by. 

So question for you: what is your eye (or mind) drawn to first when you wonder what someone has made from a place of goodness? And why do you think that is the first thing you thought of or noticed? What meaning does it have for you? And if it is relevant – how do you want to bring that quality into the world in the way that is authentic for you?

Happy making and creating!

lake and mountain

My 5 Tips to Boost Wellness

I made a little video to help you feel better in 5, with 5 tips you can use to improve your overall wellbeing fast. They are quite eclectic because this is about the our whole self, why not have a try and let me know how you get on!

If you prefer to read my tips instead, here’s the video transcription:

Hi, my name is Suzanne Wylde. And here are my five tips for cultivating total wellness.

1. My first tip is movement, whatever kind of movement you like to engage in, it’s so important for our bodies. In fact, our bodies are designed with movement included. So if you’re not moving your body is not functioning optimally. But it’s not just about looking and feeling good. It’s about thinking clearly, and feeling emotionally well as also, because movement is good for all aspects of ourselves. So whether that’s dancing, having a stretch out, going for a run, going for a walk, try and includes movement in every day. So whether that’s dancing, running, going for a walk, having a stretch out, just generally moving, try to include some form of movement in your day, every day.

2. The next tip is recognising unhelpful thinking patterns. I think we all do this, you know, you get into a groove of worrying about a certain thing, having negative thoughts, or even excessively positive but unrealistic thoughts. And this will usually be a pattern that you’re quite familiar with. Most of us try and fight fire with fire – so when we’re worrying, for example, we try and tell ourselves is nothing to worry about. But when we’re being too optimistic, too positive, it doesn’t really feel real. Instead, try and introduce a positive yet realistic thought. So let’s say you’re worried about going to a party, and feel nervous about socialising. Instead of saying “I’m the most going to be the most popular person at the party”, just say, “I’m going to go, it’s going to be a bit tough, but I’ll meet someone interesting probably, and I’ll find out something interesting. I’ll have an okay time”. Managing your unhelpful thinking patterns this way by interrupting them with a more positive yet realistic thought is a really good thing to do for our mental well being.

3. My third tip is learning to expand your capacity to feel uncomfortable emotions. I didn’t say negative emotions, because a lot of us can even be uncomfortable with joy, excitement, love, for example, depending on the quantities. Our ability to feel emotion dictates our ability to experience ourselves and the world. But this doesn’t mean we want to get thrown into emotions, or wallow in them or let them be completely in control. What it means is when you have a feeling, see if you can just feel it as fully as you can, for as long as you can, before attaching a story to it or trying to argue with it. And this is the same whether it’s emotional pain, or excitement, love, joy or fear. Try and just feel the emotion first, and then get to the root of it by listening to what it has to say. The only emotional state I would not recommend this for is depression, although that’s a different thing than these other pure emotions.

4. Try to be completely honest with yourself. Now I know that we all do things that are a little bit on the edge in terms of our own morality and values. Sometimes maybe we argue with a parking ticket that we know that we deserved, or try to get some free stuff and break a couple of competition rules or something or even maybe worse than that – telling outright lies. Aside from extolling the benefits of being moral, which I believe in and living according to your own values, aside from that, it’s also really important to be honest with ourselves. So let’s say that I told a lie. That would be fairly bad, obviously. But I want to be honest with myself about what I did, I don’t want to lie also to myself. The reason that this is really important for mental well being is it means that you’re quite integrated as a person, it means that you’re not fighting against knowing something all the time or fighting to suppress parts of you that know something. Because when you lie to yourself, you create a divide in yourself with one part that says “I didn’t do anything wrong” and the other part that knows that you did do something wrong. The clearer you can be with yourself in your awareness of your reality and the way that you act and speak and feel, the better.

5. My fifth tip is a really important one. And it’s one that none of us do enough, probably me included. And that is to ground yourself, and be in the present moment fully. This has been talked about a lot and is something that we all need, because the more that we’re looking at screens, and thinking about complex concepts, the less we’re being in our bodies in the present moment. Not many of us are athletes, or, well – I suppose many of us are construction workers. But most of us don’t have physical jobs. And even those of us who do have physical jobs, we are not connected with our body in terms of listening to it, we’re sort of dictating to it: “run really fast, do this, do that, pick up this, pick up that” – but not listening to our bodies.

When we come back into our body, when we really are aware of the sensations it gives us a moment of peace and resting within ourselves. And this moment is really, really important in terms of letting go of stress. Not overthinking, and over-worrying all the time, not pushing ourselves beyond our natural limits in terms of our energy levels. And just for feeling relaxed and happy. So to ground yourself, I have a couple of meditations that you can do, but one really easy visualisation is to picture roots going down through from your feet through down into the earth and drawing up that earth energy into your body. But if that’s not your cup of tea, just going out in nature, gardening and trying to be mindful day to day, things like that can really help you ground yourself.

I hope you enjoyed these five tips for total wellness! For more information and advice and self development and well being just hit subscribe to my YouTube channel, or check out my books, and self development resources.