Tag: leader

joyful multiethnic female students working on assignment in park

Evolving Paradigms of Leadership

Years ago the most common concept of a leader was that of a take-charge, alpha, (probably) white male who could make tough decisions and who would call the shots. But our culture has shifted so much that this autocratic style of leadership (except in a few rapid-response professions, out of necessity) sits extremely uncomfortably with us and the way we live our lives now. 


Years ago the idea of a leader was that of a take-charge, alpha, (probably) white male who could make tough decisions and who would call the shots. But our culture has shifted so much that this concept of leadership (except in a few rapid-response professions, out of necessity) sits extremely uncomfortably with us and the way we live our lives now. 

It is not only due the huge shift in consciousness which covid seems to have triggered, but that is definitely a factor. More self-awareness, more global consciousness around racism and inequality, and a growing need to find meaning in our work, all lead to us having very different needs from our leaders. 

In fact, even before I trained as a leadership coach and was predominantly a holistic coach and acupuncturist (and more) I was working with many clients who were burned out and stressed from working with a dictatorial boss. Or I should say, trying to work with. Many of their talents were going to waste, they found themselves fighting to be heard, to give input or for recognition. And many of them were also dealing with rudeness, micromanagement or unhealthy team dynamics resulting from the difficult leadership style. 

You may think that a rigid, dictatorial boss is just limiting, or an annoyance. But if so, you haven’t seen the swathes of people suffering from migraines and other health issues, and even mental health issues which are the fallout from unhealthy leadership. It was this very real impact on people’s lives that lead me to leadership coaching. I realized that helping one person was great, but supporting a leader who affects many people, can have a huge impact. And it’s not only the employees who are affected, it’s their partners, families and wider communities. 

You might say that people should just compartmentalize and not take it personally – it’s just business after all. However, the bar for interpersonal behavior and communication is much higher than it was even just 10 years ago. In addition, employees need to be able to do a good job in order to feel satisfied and engaged. And we all need to feel respected and heard. 

The importance of healthy and effective leadership cannot be understated. Around the world there is a movement towards valuing mental health, inclusion and life-work balance, and much of this culture depends on a leader who is capable and self-aware. 

So, how do we support leaders who have looked up to more traditional, hierarchical leaders from a young age, when a new form of leadership is what is actually needed? Of course I will say leadership coaching is the answer! I am biased towards it for obvious reasons. But it is an extremely effective way of bridging this huge divide for people in a way that is understandable and manageable.  

However, if this is not possible for you or your organization right now, I’d like to give you some tips for supporting a more ‘old-school’ leader in transitioning towards a more open and self-accountable style of leadership. 

  1. Be explicit about which traits and habits are more dictatorial and which are more helpful for your team. 
  2. Draw on feedback from colleagues, employees and managers on communication style, openness to input, how they feel after interactions with the leader.
  3. Consider what kind of culture you would like to create ideally, and how the leadership style may need to change to get you there.
  4. Keep an eye on the number of employees having sick days or quitting. 
  5. Have the person outline their idea of a good leader and (with empathy and tact) work through any behaviors or attitudes that may be hurting their leadership style, possibly offering suggestions for improvements. 

Many of the more hierarchical, dictatorial leaders I have worked with embrace that style because they believe the company’s targets and goals are paramount. They do not consider that the organization’s most valuable asset is its people and the culture that they work within. A strong, healthy culture not only delivers results, it is less turbulent, there are fewer mistakes due to misunderstandings and there is more self-accountability which also delivers higher performance. 

So, if you are struggling with an overly hierarchical leader, and want to know how to help them shift towards a healthier leadership paradigm, maybe work with them on some or all of these points. 

It can be harder to talk to these kind of leaders as they tend to be less open to feedback, so try and find a non-confrontational way to address your biggest concerns. If you are not able to help them adapt, I recommend hiring an experienced leadership coach who can help them to evolve and embrace a new leadership style in manageable steps instead of feeling threatened by it. 

TLDR: If your organisation has issues of retention, productivity, morale or adapting to new ways of working I recommend you assess your key players’ styles of leadership and look for opportunities to help them evolve towards a more open and emotionally-intelligent style. 

women sitting on chairs inside a room

What Makes a Good Leader?

This question not only lies at the heart of most Leadership Coaching sessions, it is a huge factor in how my clients are also impacted by other leaders above and parallel to them. However, it is rarely clearly defined, making it hard for people to find their way when promoted into leadership roles.

In fact, it seems much easier to say what good leadership is not, because it impacts us so strongly when we run up against it. Poor communication, hoarding information, control issues, micromanagement, playing favorites, lack of appreciation or praise, being disorganized and other factors have caused huge amounts of stress in my clients over the years. Both in the clients doing it and suffering as a consequence of others doing it.

No one intends to lead badly, but just as horse trainer Buck Brannaman says that your “horse is a mirror to your soul”, your leadership style is a mirror to you also. It magnifies both your strengths and your weaknesses.

It would be easy to list all the qualities that make a good leader: empathy, compassion, decision-making, ability to sort through information quickly, good judgement, communication skills, team-building skills and intentionality around the culture they are creating. What is not so easy, is to say what qualities are needed to achieve those things if they do not come naturally to you.

So often my clients have been promoted into leadership roles because of their skill in their particular job, but not necessarily because of their soft skills. Soft skills are character traits (hard to teach!) and interpersonal skills (also hard to teach!) which are essential for pulling a team together and organizing it, in a way that is both healthy and productive.

Some of my clients have found that they already have all the traits necessary for relating to others and creating a team, but that it is hard to find the confidence to stand up as a leader and tell people what to do. This can be especially hard for groups who have been marginalized in the past, and possibly continue to be. Both because of internalized messages and because of real friction from others. These leaders need extra support in finding their confidence and benefit from finding other leaders in the same boat to relate to. As a female coach I can be helpful to women, however, as a white woman I have to be realistic about my limitations in how much I can relate to the struggles of my clients who are people of color. I try to acknowledge the systems of power that they are working against and I will probably always need ongoing development in this area. I do know that dealing with systemic issues like this can be very fatiguing and people dealing with this kind of pervasive power imbalance need more support in terms of finding safe spaces and implementing regular and impactful self care (beyond superficial self care, like a relaxing bath).

Perhaps counterintuitively, leaders for whom the work and the organization’s mission come much more naturally than the soft skills, have much more of a struggle developing an effective leadership style. Confidence can be a boon but also a stumbling block, in that if you believe you are doing really well, you won’t be very open to learning new skills. Also, interpersonal communication and connection requires a degree of humility that may not come naturally to them. This issue is becoming more and more apparent as culture shifts away from power-over structures, towards power-to, and soft skills become increasingly valuable. It can be a rude awakening for people who grew up with more ‘traditional’ hierarchical structures being modeled to them, and who see that kind of leader in their mind when they step into the role.

To me, leadership has always been a service role – almost as if the traditional pyramid of a hierarchy is turned on its head. The more people ‘beneath’ you, the more you are serving. Of course, this model does not suit all of my clients, it depends on the culture of their company and industry. There is a big difference between a leader in the army and a leader in a service industry, for example. But if you find yourself struggling because you prefer a more traditional approach, but you are being told you need to work on your soft skills or empathy, then there is some work to be done. Not solely on incorporating new skills, but in terms of trying to evolve your concept of what a leader is. Although we all have our own unique leadership styles, if your style is rubbing up against the culture in your company or even the wider culture we are all a part of, you will encounter ongoing problems.

This could be a blog article in itself – the difficulty of changing with the times. Because the times not only bring new technology, they also require us to expand our thinking and adapt how we see the world and even ourselves. This can be very confronting for some people, and although it seems like we can simply tack on another skill, like listening, for example, if you want to be a great leader, you need to be able to evolve with the times. You need to evolve because the people you are serving and their dynamic is evolving, and if you are rigid in the face of that, you will not be able to hear and see them and what they need.

This is obviously a huge topic, not one I can easily cover in one article. But the TLDR is that I have seen two main paradigms with leaders that need support. Some with great soft skills who feel a lack of confidence in their ability to take ownership of their role. Others with a lot of confidence, but an identification with an older concept of leadership, which is more rigid and distant, more autocratic you could say. And perhaps counterintuitively, it has been the first group which lacks confidence that actually comes along in leaps and bounds, and I think it is because their humility means they are more open to learning and change.

Of course, leadership is much more nuanced than this and there is much more to consider, but in this article I wanted to talk about the two major trends I have seen in people seeking leadership coaching.

So let me leave you with a couple of questions to think about:

  • Which group do you identify with the most?
  • What is your idea of the perfect leader?
  • How would you feel if you reported to you as a leader (including both pros and cons)?

I hope you enjoyed this article, why not share it with someone you think will be interested in the ideas I discussed, perhaps it will spark a conversation. And if you are struggling at all – either with your own leadership style, or with someone else’s – remember that change is always possible. We just need to find the right path forward for the individual, as we do not all learn and evolve in the same way. There is always hope!

photo of woman wearing eyeglasses

The Importance of Self-Development in Leadership

We are surrounded by leaders. Teachers, CEOs, parents, influencers and others who steer the course of a group and serve them. They are not only the figure heads and decision-makers: they are actively shaping the culture of the group they are leading – whether that is a conscious effort or not. 

I have had a lifelong interest in self-development because it seems to me that the real parameters of our lives are not the opportunities we come by or the successes we achieve, as much as how able we are to expand and grow into new situations. And how we shape those new situations. A group culture can easily become a reflection of the best and worst parts of ourselves (and to different extents those of other team members, although usually the leader’s influence is strongest).

In my leadership coaching sessions with clients, it’s very clear to me that they’re great people with very good intentions. And 95% of the time, doing exactly the right things. But in that 5% – that’s where we have the opportunity to grow in really exciting ways.  

The people who are already succeeding 95% of the time are experienced, have mastered a degree of self-reflection and are good at what they do. Usually the remaining room for improvement comes from the part we’re not taught about. This is the fact that how we feel inside and how we relate to, and know, ourselves, is crucial for having healthy relationships with other people and with groups. And that healthy connection is essential for true leadership. 

Working through our own issues can help us to suddenly see issues in the culture or a group that we have been blind to. It can help us to realise how we have been contributing to a dynamic or a culture. And the more work we do on building our own self-love and self-esteem, the easier it is to invite feedback and actually be able to hear it. 

We all have unique personalities and histories and so there is no judgement around the fact we all have stuff to work on. It’s a shame that often as we move into positions with more influence, people are usually more hesitant to point out our flaws. For some leaders this makes them even more cautious, because the usual safety-guards are removed. Other times it means the information a leader is working with is lop-sided or incorrect, because only certain people are speaking out. So it can be very helpful for leaders to have support from people they know will tell them the truth, with the right balance of compassion and honesty.

But at the end of the day, a lot of the quality of our leadership comes down to us. A leader with a healthy sense of self, good boundaries and an ability to work through their emotions is going to create a much stronger and more productive culture, than someone who has many tools, but none of those self-development skills.

And finally, because it can be a lonely job, it’s so important to practice self-care. It can also be very helpful to the culture in your team for them to see you modelling that behaviour also. 

So, a big shout out to all the leaders. It’s not an easy job, and we need you! I hope you’re getting all the support you need to be the leader you always wanted to have. 

Take care! 

Suzanne